Final moments

It can sometimes appear that people choose the time to die, for example, waiting for a close relative to arrive, or until a special date. But sometimes the person can die unexpectedly or alone. It’s not possible to explain why people die the moment they do.

In most cases, the final moments for a person are very peaceful. Breathing becomes slower and slower with more irregular long pauses between each breath. Finally, they will stop breathing altogether. 

• Sometimes it is not always exactly clear when a person dies but you may notice that their face suddenly becomes relaxed and peaceful. 
• There is no right or wrong way to feel in these final moments with the person. You may find it a very spiritual experience or you may find it a very numbing experience as the essence of the person disappears. You may feel grief stricken or it may feel it’s an anti-climax and try to carry on as if nothing has happened. You may go through a whole range of emotions in just minutes or hours.  

1. Make the best use of the times when the person is awake to say your goodbyes.
2. You may be upset if you are not with the person when they die –you may feel they haven’t chosen to die when you are there with them or you may feel you have let them down by not being there. However, you will need to leave the room periodically for a break so perhaps say goodbye to them each time you leave just in case they die whilst you are not there.
3. If you are alone during these last moments you may want to ask another member of the family or a friend to join you. Or there may be a faith leader that you would like to come and support you.